Rodrigo’s story

Connection with others

Connection with yourself

July 21, 2015 – by Salem Samhoud, Freek Grootenboer and Nur Hamurcu &samhoud consultancy

All the relationships and connections that you can enter into as an individual begin with yourself. The quality of relationships and connections is ultimately dependent on your own personality. To help us clarify the issue we can think of a bridge as a connection between two fixed points: the strength and stability of a bridge over a river largely depend on the points where the construction must come to rest. To be able to enter into strong connections you therefore have to invest in yourself. To understand what it means to invest in yourself as the carrier of a connection, we need to acquire greater insight into the desired connection. As the carrier of a connective relationship it is important that you have insight into your own abilities, desires and motivations. In the same way as the architect of a bridge must discover the strength of the foundations on which the bridge must be built, you yourself must have sufficient self-knowledge. We call this fundamental self-knowledge having a connection with yourself. It is therefore enormously important that you develop your self-understanding as far as possible, and in particular on the following points.

To create more connection with yourself you have to continually work on two key areas: knowing what you can do, and knowing what you want.

grafiek desires and abilities
*Note that this graph is based on a seven point scale: a scale from one (lowest) to seven (highest).

What am I capable of?
To enter into as good a relationship as possible, it is important that you know what you are capable of, both now and in the future.

Ask yourself the following questions:
• What are you really good at, and what not?
• What are your technical and intellectual capacities?
• Where does your potential lie? In which areas can you still grow? And in which areas can you not?

What do I want?
Apart from the fact that you are able to carry a particular connection, it is important that you also want to carry and develop that connection.

Ask yourself the following questions:
• What motivates you, and what does not? What drives you?
• What are your desires and longings?
• What do you believe in?
• What do you want to achieve, and why?
• What do you look for in other people? What do you expect of them, and what can they expect of you?

What’s next…?!
The next step you then take is to seek out an environment or situation in which your capacities and motivations are in balance with one another. An environment where your strong points find expression, and where you can do what you want to do. With a good understanding as a basis, you will be much more able to create an optimal environment for yourself within which you can function optimally and with maximum motivation.

Knowing what you can do and what you want yields you many opportunities to connect with others. You are now far more able to determine what or whom you seek out to supplement or help you in these areas. You could decide, for example, to enter into a connection that is based on physical attraction, or on the other hand on an intellectual basis. In our second article in this series, we will look further into the meaning of connection with others.

Would you like to know more about &samhoud consultancy and personal development? Click here:
&samhoud consultancy – leadership, team and personal development or &samhoud consultancy – leiderschap, team en persoonlijke ontwikkeling

This article is an excerpt from the book “The power of the blue ball”. Send an e-mail to if you are interested in receiving a copy of the book.

This is the first article in the &samhoud inspiration series: “The power of the blue ball”

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